You may not see us, but we're everywhere. We do it at home, at the coffee shop, on the bus, hell, we even have a worldwide day where we do it in public. We're knitters: pesky stitch lovers with pointy little sticks and massive yarn balls. You've heard the tales of the knitted gifts gone wrong: the socks of two different sizes, the sweater with one arm, or the big, bulky hat with a scary pom pom on the top of it.
But knitting's not all bad. We're not all little old ladies with 7 cats and 3 dead husbands, just knitting away, waiting to die. We're not all women, and we're definitely not all old. In fact, we're quite young - and hip and hot, if I do say so myself. There are many different reasons people learn to knit, but here are my top 10 compelling reasons for the modern woman who has never before known the wonder of knitting.
Knitting is hot. You can knit pasties, penises, boobs, thongs (for men, women, and edible one!), penis pouches, handcuffs, bikini tops (and bottoms) and bras, garter belts and panties, dildos, vibrator cozies, corset tops,
replicas of your reproductive organs, whips, ball gags, and open bras with peek-a-boo panties. We also have a
Yarn Harlot, and we like to drink
Knit and Tonics. Do you know of any other endeavor, other than sex work, rap video production, or classical literature, that includes both a harlot and a signature drink? Doubtful. Knitters: 1, general population: 0.
You can go green with knitting. Into all-organic products? We've got needles, yarn, and notions that don't harm the planet. Save the trees one grocery store trip at a time by knitting a small, portable bag in an all-organic cotton blend. You can recycle old store-bought sweaters and knit them into something you'd actually wear. Or even take the next step: go to a thrift store and buy an old sweater to re-purpose. You can also recycle all of those old plastic grocery store bags, and turn them into something more durable, like a re-usable grocery bag. Bonus: you can rest assured that what you make didn't require sweatshop labor in a third world country, and you can pick the color, style, fit, and size of the garment or object at hand.
It's easy to avoid skin sensitivities and fiber allergies. Many people have skin sensitivities that make it impossible for them to wear wool or other fabrics, while others are terribly allergic and break out into hives and swell up at the thought of even just touching the fiber. Knitting a wrap for someone who is deathly allergic to wool? Try a nice silk blend. Making socks for a no-sheep-wearing friend? Try a cotton blend, such as Cascade Fixation, to avoid any frightening trips to the emergency room. Cotton, linen, hemp, silk, synthetic, and many other fibers are suitable for the wool-wary giftee. Tip: if the giftee has a sensitivity to wool rather than an allergy, take them with your local yarn store (LYS) and try to tempt them with softer Merino blends.
If you can dream it, you can knit it. Wigs. Slippers. Stuffed animals. Dresses. Blankets. Washcloths. Jewelry. While designing patterns may not be every one's forte, it is easy to modify existing patterns to get a better fit, or to change the stitch pattern into something more visually appealing. Don't like bobbles? Let's get rid of those. Want to knit socks with an extremely intricate lace and cable pattern? Whip out that stitch dictionary and get swatching. Found a cute cardigan, but think it's just a little too plain? Add some lace to the edging for a little bit of a thrill. If you turn out to be someone blessed with the skills to design patterns, the sky's the limit. Want to be Catwoman for Halloween? Get to knitting, because that catsuit is going to take more than a day or two to knit!
Knitting is easy. Ok, sure, it may be a little difficult to get the hang of initially, but it's not so bad once you do. If knitting was so hard, would so many people be this obsessed with it? While I don't quite have the statistics on it, there are more knitters in this world than there are rocket scientists and John Nash-esque mathematicians. Trust me,
it's not difficult to learn. Learning to put the project down and pay attention to your significant other? Well, that's another matter.
You can adapt knitting to your skill level. Want to make a gorgeous lace shawl, but don't have the ability to read complex lace charts? Try a plain triangular shawl, with a simple lace border. Almost any knitting pattern can be made more difficult, or easier, by the average knitter. Scared of modifying patterns? You can stick to knitting things you feel comfortable with, until you're ready to advance your skill level. "And what if I'm never ready to get more advanced?" you ask. There is no knitting police, I promise no one will come after you if you stick to garter stitch scarves for your entire knitting life.
Knitting is relaxing. There's nothing like coming home after a long day of [insert stressful activity here], and getting to relax with [insert your preferred method of relaxation here]. Some people read, others garden, some go to the gym, while others veg out in front of the television. Knitting a great way to relax without putting too much stress on your always-exhausted mind and body. You can pick up a simple project to knit while you decompress and watch your favorite guilty pleasure TV show, or listen to music. Want to get outside on a nice summer night? Mix yourself a mojito, or make some cupcakes, and the take the knitting outside under the stars. And while I wouldn't recommend doing it underwater, you can knit just about anywhere, which means you can have an instant source of stress relief traveling with you wherever you go.
Highly portable instant entertainment. Not all knitted items are small, but sometimes they are, or they come in small pieces. Objects like cowls, socks, hats, and washcloths are highly portable, and have patterns that come in thousands of different styles and skill levels. Need something to do on the plane other than listen to your iPod? Bring some yarn, pick up those sticks, and start knitting a pair of socks. Knitters not afraid of taking up space travel with scarves, lace shawls, and even sweaters.
There's something to make for everyone. It's rapidly approaching your religious winter holiday of choice (Christmas, Hanukkah, etc), and you've just realized you didn't buy your brother anything. The office's annual gift exchange is tomorrow and you haven't bought anything. It's your grandmother's 80th birthday party, and you were responsible for the family gift. These scenarios are all too familiar to any person, and have been known to increase stress in gift givers around the world. Not so for knitters. While some meticulously plan out their gift knitting schedules, others, like myself, haphazardly throw together gifts at the last minute. There are several books devoted to the subject of last minute gifts, and while some are small and inconsequential gifts you wouldn't want to give, others are filled with treasures that any giftee would love to own.
Dear Abby doesn't like it. As if you needed a better reason.
So sign up for a class, watch videos online, or recruit your knit-crazed friend to teach you. Have questions and no one to turn to? Sign up for
Ravelry (an online community for knitters and corcheters often described in reverent tones) and I'm sure you'll find the answer you're looking for. Knitting can be frightening and intimidating at first, but once you get the hang of it, you'll never want to stop.
[Image taken by
Liz.]